


A team-building exercise

by puste_blume



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: FMA Secret Santa 2019, Gen, One Shot, Post-Canon, i hope this is shenanigans enough :D, i hope you like this, i tried to give Roy and Ed a parental bond here in the broadest sense, it's a silly story about them playing paintball, might sometimes be a little ooc, some mama Hawk also in there, you said you wanted shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:47:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22103548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puste_blume/pseuds/puste_blume
Summary: Team Mustang wants to do some team-building by shooting paint at each other, Edward basically invites himself and drags Alphonse and Winry along. It starts to rain and it doesn't even take 75 seconds for the first person to go down. Who could it be?
Relationships: Edward Elric/Winry Rockbell, and mild havoclina, can be read as royai
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	A team-building exercise

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tsaritsaa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsaritsaa/gifts).



> Hi, I wanted to give bergamots a cute lil story for the 2019 Secret Santa, so, here you go. You said literally go for anything, I hope this counts as "literally anything" ;D. I might write a little bonus if you want (at some point...). In the meantime, please enjoy this lil piece, it focuses mostly on Roy, Riza and Ed :). Happy belated holidays!

The tide turns once it starts to rain. Some people might argue they have been on the losing side all along, but Roy is certain the rain was at fault here. He has been sure that Fuery was going to be first one to go down, but it had been Fullmetal. Rebecca would later claim this had been his fault, that he should have been covering him while he moved up. Why couldn’t he have given a heads up? Why did he always have to be so quick and hot headed? Now he is lying over there in the mud, hit in the shoulder and not moving. Roy tries not to sound too worried when he calls out: “Fullmetal? Hey!”, and then, a bit more worried, “Edward Elric?”  
A little moment passes. Then, finally, Edward lifts his right hand up in the air and yells “HIT!” before slowly getting out of the mud and walking back to their spawn area just behind the barn structure. When he passes Roy, he gives him a dirty look, a smear of turquoise gleaming off his silver shirt. “Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely useless in the rain, dumbass? Over”, he hears Rebecca’s voice come in through his earpiece. “What happened? Over.” Falman’s voice comes in. Before Roy can explain, Edward chirps in, his voice dripping with hatred, “The dumbass didn’t cover me and got me hit, I’m coming back to get a respawn from you, over.” – “Are you guys serious? We’ve been playing for 75 seconds and we’re already a player down? What happened to the plan? Should I still push from the left side now? Over.” Roy surveys the area. He is not exactly sure where the shot has come from, but it must have been more from the right, where a little mill with a second story is standing. Before they started, he was sure they would be all the way back, on the other side of the playing field, but it seems as if their spawn area is much closer to them. “Okay team, they are close to us, I think they started them off at ‘Spawn B’ and not ‘A’ as we had thought, I propose we go approach the market square more towards the most northern side and not south as previously planned. Catalina, you move up towards the castle and sneak around, Breda, you are already there, cover her, and I’ll try to hold off whoever just took out Fullmetal. Hey, pipsqueak, once you are able to re-join us again, come back me up, we’ll push and try to keep them from the market, got it? Over and out!”  
Edward stamps through the little forest surrounding this mock-village. Or is this an actual medieval place? He can’t remember, but he is sure back then all these tiny trees probably were not growing everywhere. ‘This is just incredible impractical; he thinks as he almost stumbles over some twigs and exposed roots. The sky over him is overcast and a fine drizzle is slowly turning the forest ground underneath his feet into mud. He can already feel his hair turning frizzy underneath his helmet and his protective glasses fog up a little. He also feels incredibly stupid being dressed in what was supposed to look like a knight’s outfit. If Alphonse and Winry had not talked him into this, he wouldn’t be in this situation now.  
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“So, you think we could not keep up with you in a stupid game, is that what you are saying?” – “It’s literally what we were trained for but with paint, pipsqueak.” – “So that really is what you are saying! Because I think it’s just a stupid game with paints and I could easily beat you!” – “Well this was supposed to be a team bonding experience, but yeah sure, why not, you can come.” Roys lips curl up in a cold smile and Edward leans forward, a finger almost jabbing into the older man’s chest, “Bring it on, General stupid!”  
Behind them, Winry and Alphonse share a look, when they hear Rebecca quietly say: “Aren’t you and Mustang picking teams, Riza? That leaves a chance for those two to be on the same team, now, wouldn’t that be funny to see…” – “You’re just sitting on your ass all day in an office, how good of a shot are you really, without your alchemy and all?” – “Oh and you are? You couldn’t even peak over the barricade, shorty!” – “As you have surely noticed, I’ve grown!” “I think that is what we dubbed nightmare scenario, Rebecca, we don’t joke about that.” – “It’s alright as long as you’re not on their team, and you’ll pick me first, of course… right?” A slight pause, then: “Oh yes of course!”  
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She had, technically, not lied. It was just that Mustang beat her to it and picked Rebecca before her. And of course her friend can’t blame her for picking Havoc first, right? He is, after all, the second best shot on ‘Team Mustang’. She puts her right eye to the scope and surveys the scenery before her. Mist is slowly wafting through the brush and the soft noise of flowing water makes it all seem very peaceful. Breaking the silence, Fuery’s voice comes in over her earpiece: “Edward is down and has to report back for respawn. I think they are regrouping and heading north. If we move quickly, we can make it to the market and get our clue before them. Over!” – “Alright, get Havoc and Winry and get the clue, I’m going to the big house by the wall and give you cover from there. Over and out!” She gets up and slowly makes her way over the little stream and towards the castle walls. She has to admit, at first, she found the idea very silly, a medieval themed paintball fight area? Full of inaccurate costumes, treasures and castles? Even the smoke grenades they have gotten are only allowed to be thrown by a ‘wizard’, and their medic, the person who could respawn you at the designated area, must be called a ‘healer’. But against all odds, this is starting to be fun. They are still using normal paintball guns, but the whole setting makes it so much more whimsy and much less real, which is all she wanted. She has been against the idea of a paintball match in the beginning, arguing that this would hit much too close to home. However, her team swayed her by pointing out the ridiculousness of the whole setup. And it really is a great way to kick Mustang’s ass, after all, he had been slacking off on his paperwork, again, and Riza can’t wait to get the first shot in on her superior officer. ‘Payback time’, she thinks as she moves around the back of the old house, climbs swiftly through the window, then up the ladder to the small attic space and crawls over to a small window in the front of the house. From here, she can see the little wooden booths scattered along the cobblestone market square. One of the booths would hold the clue to the three treasure chests a team had to get and place safely into their designated tower of the castle in order to win. The match would only last a couple of hours and the team with the most treasure chests would win at the end of the time limit. However, the match would be over as soon as one team got all three treasure chests, and Riza is determined to make that happen. She touches one hand to the little microphone button clipped on top of her fake leather armour breastplate she is wearing. “I’m in position”, a grin creeps over her face, “let’s do this! Over.”

Havoc edges slowly around the corner of the booth before him. These wooden structures line the little market square on all sides except for the north side, where a wall divides this part of the village from the ‘castle district’. He lets his gaze sweep over the space before him, searching for the other team. He then raises his hand and signals the other two to follow him, the coast being clear. Behind him, Winry and Fuery slowly come around the fence structure they have been hiding behind. Carefully, they start to inspect the booth closest to them. There is supposed to be a clue in at least two of these. While Kain and Winry search, Jean stands guard. From her lookout, Riza can see them move one booth over to the left, when suddenly she spots a movement across from her, right next to the wall. Through her scope, she can barely make out two figures, in shirts that are probably supposed to look like chainmail, edging around the corner. “Heads up Havoc, one o’clock”, she says softly into her microphone, then scans the area to search for the inevitable other two figures, when suddenly her team comes under fire. Pink paint splatters off the booth that Winry is just able to jump behind. The shots, however, did definitely not come from the two figures she sees by the wall. ‘Where are you? Oh!’ Riza fires off two shots towards the southwest end of the square, but whoever is hiding there is able to duck out of the way. “Havoc, keep your eyes on the two up there, I just saw someone move at the south end. Once I’ve taken them out, you can send one person round to keep searching. Over.” – “Roger that, over and out!” While she is still hearing Havoc’s response, she spots movement up on top of what looks like a tree house structure. Making sure the figure at the south end of the square is still in hiding, she carefully zeros in on the sniper, who, luckily, decides just then that this is a great time to move their rifle just a little bit and is rewarded by a load of bright turquoise paint to their protective visor. Riza can’t help but grin when she sees a hand shoot up and faintly hears Rebecca call “Hit!” over the market. This is going great. 

“Fuck fuck fuck FUUUCK!” Rebecca softly curses to herself as the climbs down the wooden ladder and makes her way swiftly over to the respawn area. She hadn’t even seen Riza. Her feet make wet sounds as she trots through the muddy ground. ‘What a bitch! What best friend thinks strategically when picking groups? Sure it makes sense for her to have Havoc on the team, but hello? I’m just as capable!’ Her inner tirade is interrupted by Breda’s voice: “So hey, I can’t really move away from here. Every time I just so much as peek around the corner to get their position I almost get shot. We need to deploy some smoke grenades, there is no way otherwise to get in here. Over.” – “Yeah I here you, hey Catalina, do you have any intel on Hawkeye’s hiding spot?” Rebecca rounds a tree and can now see the little farmhouse behind which Falman is waiting with a rag to clean the paint off and send her back into battle. “No, Mustang, but c’mon, she is probably up high, I was watching the attics when I got shot. I’m sure she’s in one of those. Over.” She sighs and lifts her hand to greet Falman. They have to take out Hawkeye or else they are never getting that stupid clue.  
“Okay, so you just pull this ring and then throw it, got it?” Edward rolls his eyes, “I got it, the people working here already explained it to me when I got them.” Mustang ignores this statement and instead points towards the three houses behind the wooden booths. “You could either be an amazing thrower and get it through each of those little upper story windows or you could just throw it right in the middle of the square. We won’t see them, but neither will they see us.” Edward shoots him a sceptical glance. “So, will the smoke last long enough for us to find the clue and not get shot in the process?” “I don’t know, but we are all running in from several sides and they can’t take us out all at once, right? Except they can and probably will cause they have a sniper right now, we don’t.” Edward takes two smoke grenades out of his pouch and examines them. Thankfully, the rain is not more but a slight mist and there is no wind currently. “Hey, by the way, why did you pick Lieutenant Catalina when you hate her so much?” Roy is surprised, did he really sound so bitter just then? “Oh I don’t hate her per se; she is a good sniper after all, she and I just don’t get along very well.” He risks a glance at the square, and not even a second later a splatter of turquoise decorates the tree behind him. “And I picked her because I think Havoc has a soft spot for her and I’m sure when it comes down to it, he won’t shoot her.” “I mean, what else did I expect but you playing dirty.” Edward shakes his head theatrically. “I can throw these whenever by the way, are you ready to get shot?” “I won’t…probably… well, if you throw these right I won’t.” Before Edward can say something to that, Mustang informs the rest of their team of their plan. It’s go time. 

Riza hears a soft hiss and suddenly, colourful smoke fills her field of vision. She can see Havoc give a signal to Fuery and Rockbell to search the next booth over, and then he fires some shots towards his right. The smoke is not incredibly thick, but it’s still obscuring her field of vision enough to keep her from getting a straight hit on any of the figures darting around the square now. She fires some shots here and there but misses. She is about to give up and crawl down to help her team on the ground, when the a little breeze blows a hole into the wall of smoke and she can see a figure gesticulating and raising a piece of paper into the air with one hand, their back squarely turned towards her and thus painfully open. ‘Typical’, she thinks as she shoots three consecutive shots, all of them hitting the back, well, technically ass, of no other than Roy Mustang, who is forced to drop the clue and raise his gun over his head. “Hit.” ‘Yeah of course you are, you never learned to guard your own damn back!’ “Hey team did you see the clue Mustang dropped? Over.” She can almost hear the glee in Jean’s voice as he answers, “Yeah nice shot by the way, hey Ms. Rockbell, wanna go over there and get the clue? We’re covering you.” As an answer, Winry swiftly darts out of her hiding space and zick-zacks across the square, while paint flies through the dispersing smoke, keeping Breda from opening fire. She ducks down, picks up the piece of paper and runs back. “I got it”, Winry sounds slightly out of breath. “Regroup at the bridge? Hey Hawkeye, do you want to stay up there for the rest of the game and keep them from ever finding their clue?” “I think I’ll stay up here for another few minutes and give that impression, then I’ll go and join you, we have to at least give them some chance.”  
30 minutes later, Roy is covered in mud and incredibly annoyed. They have at least been able to get the clue, but were unsuccessful at the first treasure site, Team Hawkeye beating them to it in the end. And not only have they beat them, but they have even been able to put the little treasure chest into their designated tower in the little castle that dominated the map on the north side. Yes, they were allowed to steal it back, but Team Hawkeye have left Fuery there to guard it. Any attempts to steal would be suicide. Well, have been suicide. He sent Edward in just to be sure and the young man was hit just after a couple of seconds. On the upside, the rain has finally stopped. The ground is incredibly slippery now, but at least it’s not turning into more of a mudslide. “Okay team, change of plans. We go for the treasure that is closest to our base and hope they are busy getting that on the other side of the inner wall. Yes, that makes it easy for them to get it into their treasure chamber, BUT, well, at least they won’t take us out getting the treasure and we have a point. Yes, Catalina, what?” “We only get a point if get the treasure chest into our treasure chamber.” “Yes and?” “There is only one entrance into the castle, how do you propose to get it in there while they are also around?” “Uhm… Falman any ideas?” Their eyes turn towards the older man who studies the map lying in front of him. “If Catalina finds a good spot to guard the drawbridge she could keep them from coming in. You then circle them and while Breda takes out as many as he can from the back, Mustang shadows Fullmetal who deploys a smoke grenade, and together you can dash in. You just have to be careful about Fuery, but luckily you already know about his line of sight now. That would be the best plan with the highest chance of success. There is a chance however, that you are hit or you find each other in a stand-off before the bridge with the other team. And then the time runs out and the other team will definitely win.”Falman is still explaining his plan, while Mustang wanders over to the map and studies it.“How about you get into the castle from the back? The moat does not look too wide to jump over and the walls of the castle are not too high to be un-climbable. It’s the only way to get in without using the drawbridge and they are surely guarding that.” “Yeah but the rain has turned the small strip of land there into a mudslide and you will risk falling into very cold water, damaging the rented equipment and probably smelling horrible with soaked through clothes.” “But, they won’t expect us coming from that direction! And really I would rather not get shot again; these paint bullets are surprisingly painful”, Mustang absentmindedly rubs his butt cheek which still feels a little sore. “Hey Fullmetal, Breda, where are you? Over.” They have to wait a little, then Edward responds. “While you were taking your sweet, sweet time, we actually got the treasure chest. We are, shit, where exactly is this?” Breda’s voice comes in “We are north-east of your position, hiding behind the tree line and watching the drawbridge, either the others are already inside, or they haven’t made it back yet, which would be great for us. Are you ever coming back here? Over.” “Yes, on our way, Breda, Rebecca will give you support at the bridge, hopefully they have to yet make it through there. Fullmetal, you can already start going around and sneak to the back of the castle, we have a plan. Over.” “I sure hope you do cause that just sounds incredibly stupid right now. Over and out or whatever.” Mustang shoulders his gun and marches out towards wherever he plans to meet Edward. Falman just shrugs. “I mean, yeah, don’t listen to me then. I’m just incredibly good at giving you the odds.” Rebecca raises an eyebrow. “So, is this always how you operate? Damn, how did you ever stage a coup?” Falman thinks for a second, then: “I think in that case Mustang’s recklessness was actually helpful! But of course he also had Hawkeye there to make sure he didn’t hurt himself too much.” “Well”, Rebecca pats Vato’s shoulder, “I really hope you are correct with the odds you predicted because I’d like to see that.” And with that she makes her way to the drawbridge to hopefully get a shot in on her best friend this time.  
Shortly afterwards, Roy joins Edward and tells him about their plan. “So we are supposed to jump over that duck-toilet and climb up the wall to get in? That’s your brilliant plan?” “They will never suspect us!” “Could it be you’re just scared to get shot in the ass again?” “That is a possibility, but really, wouldn’t it be great to deposit our treasure and then maybe even steal from Fuery?” Edward moves his head from side to side and considers the option. “Okay, let’s do that then.” Roy’s gaze wanders over to the little moat. “So, I jump first, you toss me the little treasure chest and jump afterwards?” Edward nods and Roy dashes out over to the moat and jumps, only barely landing on the small strip of dry land. The wall actually looks easy enough to climb from here. “Okay, toss me the-.” He turns towards Edward and almost gets hit in the head with the small wooden box. Fumbling to catch it, his feed start sliding, when Edward lands next to him, Roy throws out a hand to catch himself on Ed’s shoulder, but the younger man is not nearly as steady as he thought. Roy Mustang is just able to think ‘shit’ before it all turns sideways and with a splash both men fall into the green mucky water, ducks quacking and making a bolt all around them. Coughing and cursing, the two scramble out of the water and steady themselves against the wall. “What the fuck?” Edward coughs, “you pushed me!” “Yeah next time shout before you throw something, I was just trying to get the box from falling into this muck.” Roy checks his paintball pods and curses. He lost all but one, and the one he still has got wet, rendering the paint useless. Thankfully he still has the treasure. Edward inspects the smoke grenades he has put into his little pouch and smiles triumphantly. “Hey, they didn’t get wet! Which is great because I can at least hide behind this smoke for a little while before Winry sees me.” Edward looks seriously worried at the thought. Roy nods. He would also rather not have his team see him like this. Oh god, Rebecca will never let him forget this. And Riza… she’ll find to make these small and seemingly innocent comments. Outwardly, the Lieutenant always seems so prim and proper, but when no outside is around she will from time to time make these dry quips, which usually have him as the butt of the joke and the whole team roaring in laughter.  
To not have to think about that anymore, Roy just starts climbing the wall, having secured the small treasure chest with the straps that formerly held his now discarded paintball gun. His wet clothes stick to him uncomfortably and the smell of the mucky water starts to creep into his nose. Fortunately, the two of them are able to scale the wall without incidents and land on the small walkway without being spotted. Roy raises a hand to the little microphone button: “Hey can anyone hear this? Over.” But he gets no answer. Edward shakes his head. “I couldn’t even hear that, I think our equipment didn’t like our swim back there.” He pulls his earpiece out, Roy follows suit. “Not technically our equipment, we rented it from the place.” He stares at the little earpiece in his hand and swallows a little bit, then puts it into his pocket. It’s very quiet and nobody is moving through the courtyard at the moment, and no sounds come from the direction of the drawbridge. “Okay Fullmetal, so their tower is this one, ours is over there. Let’s get the treasure there now and then wait until they come to deposit their last chest. We’ll get the drop on them then.” Edward nods and starts shuffling over to their little tower. They are almost there when they hear sounds of paintballs flying through the air by the castle entrance. “Shit!” Roy gets up and jumps the last few steps to the tower entrance, their designated treasure chamber, Edward follows close behind. Once inside, they place the box on a little pedestal and peek out through the window. Roy can see a little bit of blue smoke waft through the air by the castle entrance. And then he sees a figure run in and up the staircase on to the walkway. He is surprised, he has never seen Winry Rockbell hold a gun before, but the way she drops to her knees and holds the barrel still while the takes aim speaks of prior training. He points to her figure, now crouching behind the little wall and occasionally peeking out to fire shots on to the ground below. “You’re girlfriend is so much better at this then you.” Edward, who also watches Winry keenly, just shrugs. “Firstly, it’s fiancé, and yeah I know, I think Lieutenant Hawkeye took her to the shooting rink a couple of times.” They watch for a couple more seconds, when a second figure darts through the entrance, expertly rolls out of the line of fire and looks up to survey the area. Roy in an instance ducks back, pulling Edward with him. “Fuck, did she see us?” Edward shakes his head. “I don’t think so. Damn, she checks the area even though she didn’t see us come in?” Roy can’t help but smile a little when he says: “Of course, she always checks the area first; she’s after all the best sniper and body guard of Amestris, likely the world.” Edward snorts. “Yeah, right, body guard. I think I heard her say that she describes her job as that of a baby sitter.” Roy pretends to not hear that as he slowly peeks around the corner. Riza and Winry are now both guarding the entrance and give cover to Havoc who is still outside. Havoc and Fuery traded the role of the ‘wizard’ in order to leave their treasure with proper protection. ‘However, that also means that Jean is now without a gun, having only smoke to protect him.’ He waits another five seconds, then turns to young man next to him. “Hey, Fullmetal, I think I have a plan…”

Riza is impressed. Rebecca has managed to find an incredible sniper spot, the roof of which is blocking her view from Winry and herself, but she still has perfect vision on the bridge. Winry took Breda out with a lucky shot a little while ago, so only her friend is left to guard the entrance, she can’t see Roy or Edward around. “Hey Havoc, just throw a bunch of smoke grenades and make a run for it, there is no other way. We can’t get her from up here.” She has not even finished her sentence when she sees bright smoke on all colours billow up around the bridge, covering the path Havoc has to make. A few seconds later, the area is filled with smoke and she can see a figure dart towards the bridge and set foot on it. But Rebecca apparently can see him, too, and keeps firing into the general direction of the bridge, and through the smoke Riza can see the figure of Havoc fall forwards, throwing the box towards the entrance before shouting “Hit!” and curling into a little ball, apparently having gotten hit in a very sensitive area “Ouch, she got him, hey Winry, we’ll climb down and I’ll give you cover, well, as best as I can, while you go and get the box, it’s almost at the entrance. Got job Havoc. Over.” “Alright, over.” But just as she is about to climb down, she hears the soft hiss of smoke grenades being deployed behind her. In a matter of seconds, the whole courtyard is hidden behind swirls of green, purple and yellow. She sees Winry quickly climb down to get the box and takes a moment to look around, there are definitely figures running through the smoke. “Hey Fuery, get ready!” she calls and shoots a few rounds into the smoke before jumping down, running towards the area of Team Mustang’s tower. “Damn they already got the box, I’m- ah!” Winry’s voice suddenly breaks off. Riza hears the sounds of paintball combat coming from across the smoke, Rebecca and Winry were probably trying to take each other out over there. Suddenly, she can make out the sound of running footsteps towards her, or probably rather towards the little staircase entrance to the tower, probably unaware of her being there. The look on Mustang’s face when he stops dead in his tracks just a few seconds later proves this. Riza has dropped to one knee, the gun aiming square at his chest. “Do you surrender?” “C’mon, you’re not going to shoot me this close right?” “One last time, do you surrender?” Roy grips the box a little tighter and tries to jump through the entrance, but paint hits him before he can actually get anywhere. “Hit,” he croaks, the impact knocking the wind out of him. Riza takes the box from him and wrinkles her nose. “What the hell happened to you? Is that duck shit on your chin?” Roy, now lying on the ground, absentmindedly raises a hand to his face and tries to wipe it away. “You should really get a change of clothes; you’re going to catch something.” Riza’s voice sounds a little worried and she kneels down to the Roy, when she feels a treasure box being ripped from her hands from a figure in the doorway. In an instant she raises her gun but then actually sees what a pitiful young man she has in front of her. Shivering slightly in the cold, mud, algae and who knows what else covering him head to toe, the hairs peeking out under his helmet not blonde anymore but tinged with brown and green tones. As he jumps back and up the narrow staircase, Riza half-heatedly fires a few shots after him, but avoids to actually hit him. Shortly afterwards she hears the air horn signalling the end of their two hour playtime. “You could have hit him. You hit me that close.” Riza gets up from her crouching position and shakes her head. “Yeah but you two look like you could really use a win.” And without another glance, she walks towards the castle entrance.  


“Oh God, what happened to you, brother?” Alphonse exclaims when he sees Edward come towards him. “We won!” Edwards shouts and forms an L on his forehead with his fingers, “You lose!” “Yeah funny how I still feel like the winner next to you,” Winry shakes her head, “if you get sick I’m not nursing you back to health, stupid.” “Yeah, yeah.” Winry and Edward are still bickering, when a man with a jacket that has the logo of the place printed on it steps forward and coughs politely. “Soooo”, he says while looking from one drenched figure to the other, “who of you is paying for the damage of our equipment?”


End file.
